Cause and Effect of My Jerkiness

The other day, a chat:

Friend: hi

me: hi

Friend: how’s it go?

me: good it goes

Friend: good that is

🙂

me: how are you?

Friend: school is stressing me out

me: yeah

midterms, yay!

Friend: blah

me: you’ll do fine

Friend: I appreciate your vote of confidence, but I seriously doubt it

me: why?

Friend: I haven’t been putting in the time

me: why?

Friend: I get distracted and I don’t want to

me: so then you can’t really complain when deadlines come

i mean you do

you always do

but you know what you’re doing when you procrastinate

it’s not like science homework

i mean i should let you vent instead of giving you my opinion

so you should keep venting

Friend: no, you are right

I should quit [complaining] and just do it 🙂

me: working on a paper along the way is a lot less stressful, just fyi 🙂

you can try it next time

Friend: maybe I will 🙂

Then the next day, this blog post.

I mean, the friend doesn’t mention names, but I have a feeling her words are about me. And what I said did come out of nowhere, so I can see why it felt like an attack. I could try to come up with a reason I behaved this way. For instance, languages. I could have just told my friend I was looking at a bunch of foreign languages so that my friend could understand that I was trying to concentrate, but instead I lashed out with what she kindly called truth bombs.

She was way too kind for what I deserve. I kicked a soccer ball in her face. I remember one time in fifth grade our class was playing soccer during P.E. and a boy kicked a soccer ball in my face. It simultaneously shocked and hurt me, and I was angry and embarrassed. The game stopped and the teacher handed me the ball and told me I could throw the ball at the boy. Which I didn’t do. Because that would have been dumb. That teacher was a dork.

Just saying, I know how those hexagons and pentagons feel at close range and high impact.

I’m sorry.

The Reason I’ve Started Moderating Comments

Whoever you are, all of you out there, you don’t really know me. You don’t know my friends.

I don’t post every little detail about my life here, so you’re neither going to know nor understand the breadth and depth of certain life events. I’m still quite a private person.

That’s the thing about blogs sometimes: You read, you think you know me, but you don’t. Really.

Don’t get me wrong: I appreciate your coming here, but this is just another blog, something to read if nothing else appeals to you.

But your uninformed generalizations, trash talking my friends, are just not cool.

So, while it takes a little more effort to approve comments, it’s better that I do.

And, it’s not that big of a deal to me to watchlist you.

Which I’ve done.

Please, don’t be a jerk.