Happy Silky Smooth First Day of Spring!

I can’t stop feeling my legs. They feel nice.

I should just throw away the razor I used. I must have shaved two and three and four times to make sure all the hair was gone. No stubble. It’s not like my leg hair would have dulled the razor that much. But this razor ushered in spring for me. It peeled off my winter fur. Use the razor once for what happens only once a year. The ritual razor. Ooh, I should build a shrine for this razor, replace it every spring when I’m ready to shave my legs. Then do a dance that showcases my new legs. No.

I shaved my left leg first, then I held the bald leg up against the furry right leg. Then I shaved the right leg. Then I toweled off, then I applied lotion. No razor burn, no dry skin. I think I covered everything on the checklist. I do calf raises all the time. I’m short: I have to tippy-toe for nearly everything I do. Yes.

I know I shaved the night before the first day of spring, but if I waited until tomorrow, it wouldn’t have happened until tomorrow night, and I wanted my legs to enjoy the entire day hair-free. I’m sure you understand. I hope. No?

I didn’t take pictures this time.

I really have to go to bed. Maybe asleep by 10:00 this time. That would be great.

I’m looking forward to a really low-key weekend. Maybe I’ll spend it feeling my legs. There’s a plan. Yes.

I Have Decided When to Shave My Legs

First day of Spring, March 20, 2009.

I will need:

-fresh, new razors: it’s going to be a lot of hair, people
-shaving medium, like gel, foam, oil, or soap
-lots of water for rinsing
-clean hair catch in the tub drain, so I don’t clog the building’s plumbing
-lotion, for my newly smooth legs, plus I have dry skin
-calf raises and other exercises, for extra sexiness

Oh. In other news, a second boy from speed dating contacted me. He also gave me his number, but I gave him my number back. At least he emailed. That’s two brave boys, people.

Because Ray Said The Internet Said

Warning, these are photos OF MY LEG SKIN. View at your own risk. Also, they don’t go above the knee, so you weirdos out there can move along. Oh, boy, I’m kind of nervous. Here goes.

From just below the left knee. See? Not very thick.
From just below the left knee. See? Not very thick.

 

It's like skiing through a short forest along a rolling hill. Left leg, different part of my shin.
It's like skiing through a short forest along a rolling hill. Left leg, different part of my shin.

 

A couple of overachievers further down on my shin. Let's pretend this is a swarm of grasshoppers whose antennae are only showing.
A couple of overachievers further down on my shin. Let's pretend this is a swarm of grasshoppers whose antennae are only showing.

 

Some faint patchiness. Maybe like the tundra.
Some faint patchiness. Maybe like the tundra.

 

A few shy sprouts, like a lawn that has been newly seeded.
A few shy sprouts, like a lawn that has been newly seeded.

 

The soil is more fertile on the front of my right knee.
The soil is more fertile on the front of my right knee.

 

Ooh. Crosshairs. Did you know snipers use my legs for aiming their rifles?
Ooh. Crosshairs. Did you know snipers use my legs for aiming their rifles?

 

See the one lonely hair? It's like a desert oasis. You can find shade there.
See the one lonely hair? It's like a desert oasis. You can find shade there.

 

Oh, whose newborn baby head is that? Seriously, not since October. The top of my right knee is rebelling. Practically bald, people.
Oh, whose newborn baby head is that? Seriously, not since October. The top of my right knee is rebelling. Practically bald, people.

It was kind of fun captioning the photos, but I’m kind of grossed out from looking at them too long. Do they make you wince, Internet? I’d better blog a lot this next week so this post gets off the front page. No one sees my legs in the winter in public, not even me. And now, you, Internet, can understand why.

Layer

I haven’t shaved my legs since October. I told this to a friend I was sitting next to at church on Sunday, and she laughed really hard. I was grateful Sunday School was about to begin, because she quieted down. And then the person sitting on the other side her looked at my legs. I was wearing a knee-length skirt and knee high boots and trouser socks that went up to my knees. When I sat down, my knees showed. I usually don’t shave my legs in the wintertime. I considered shaving for the outfit I wore to church, but I said, it’s wintertime, I’m not shaving my legs solely on principle.

Is leg hair really that fascinating? on women? Why do women in many cultures shave their legs? Was it a change in climate? a migration? Is it smelly? Did animal predators stay away if female humans shaved their legs? It adds some texture to my legs, that’s for sure. It’s pretty fun.

Anyway, my leg hairs have grown to their full length. It’s kind of patchy. It’s long on the front of my knee and parts of my shin, and short everywhere else. Very weird. But, one thing I like about my leg hair is that it’s not course. It’s very soft, and if you run your hand down from my knee toward my feet, it feels pretty smooth. Well, I just ran my hand up my shin toward my knee, and it feels the same.

Maybe I would keep hair on my legs if it weren’t so odd-looking. The hairs are pretty long, but they’re really fine. It’s weird how I switch from the supposed plural to the singular when talking about my fur. Is it fur, this soft, almost downy layer on my legs? Humans are mammals; most mammals have fur. Ergo, humans have fur. Right? … Right?

I choose to believe my leg hair has helped keep me warm this winter. And, maybe this post is entirely too much information for the World Wide Web. Internet, are you okay with this?