This is Saline Vienon. Her name is pronounced similarly to the Canadian singer who also has a Vegas show. But yes, you’re also supposed to be thinking of salt and dying. Also, Ms. Vienon doesn’t have children and didn’t marry her much older manager. She’s on her own – no agents, no major record label – and quite successful. As you can see, Saline is on a world tour. She doesn’t have many material possessions. All her revenue from performing and touring go to causes that involve the less fortunate and blindly swift-footed. I found her in transit this morning, with a passing storm still weighing down the sky. She looked a little sad. I asked what the matter was and she said BYU canceled her campus concerts. The Honor Code cited her for immodesty. She was being a bad example, this was no place for her kind of role model, etc. We agreed that the institution should have told her not to come long before the day she arrived in Provo. It would have saved her a lot of time, and definitely a lot of mucus. She was on the steps of the northwest entrance of the bookstore, trying not to cry. I reassuringly tapped her little shell. We sat and talked for a little while until she cheered up, and Ms. Vienon kindly granted permission for me to take her picture. I ignored people’s stares as I kneeled close to her to get these shots. Then I tossed her into a pan and sautéed her in a buttery garlic sauce.* Excellent. Best experience of my life.
*I picked her up and set her gently in some nearby brush. She thanked me, and we went our separate ways. No salt, no dying. No stomach pumping. No calls to PETA.