Not Grateful

Dear People,

Do you even read this blog anymore? I did start writing here over seven years ago as a way to update friends and family about my life. Now it seems I’m talking to empty space. A void.

I miss the details about your lives. I miss being involved. And present. And I realize what I signed up for when I returned to school, but I didn’t fully understand how much it would change everything.

Are we even friends anymore? I don’t recognize what this is, us.

Maybe I’m having trouble correlating my absence with the obvious consequence of delayed gratification. I’m used to being in the loop, instantly and constantly. Even when things were strained between us, when we were in the same room, at least we could share the elephant that stood in the middle of it.

Everything about all my relationships is palpable to me. They have texture and dimension. And when they seem to sublimate before me, I worry.

Is it really as easy as “Out of sight, out of mind”? It can’t be, else I might as well take Occam’s Razor across my wrist.