The power and wisdom of friends are beyond measure. One such friend told me one day:
May, … I wanted to share a few thoughts with you while they were fresh in my mind…..
First, let me say that I understand, from more firsthand experience than I wish I had, how you feel. You know I’ve … been utterly perplexed as to what I should do next, and all as a single person, which adds a whole new dimension that most can’t understand. I still look at my life occasionally and think, “Where am I going? Why did I decide to do this? And why didn’t things work out the way I wanted them to in (fill in the blank)?”. I’ve been angry and not known what I was angry at, been sadder than I thought I could bear, and ached for people and places I left behind. So, long story short….you are not alone. Others have been where you are now, and while they can’t do much to take away the struggle you are going through, they do understand and know that the darkness will clear at some point.
Secondly, I want you to know that I am always willing to talk about anything you need to talk about….there is no need to be eloquent or even to make sense. I have tried to give you your space … but don’t think that I’m not always willing to listen. … Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to make this time MEAN something, if that makes sense…..just relax and rest and take care of yourself and try to find fun when you can. You are going through a major change in your life, and that is going to have an effect on your mental state….it would on anyone’s. Don’t think there’s anything wrong with YOU when your brain feels jumbled or angst-ridden.
Thirdly (why do I feel like I’m writing a 3-point high school essay?), please know that being here is not a failure. I admit that I am not coming from the perspective of someone who has lived in New York (and I’m not saying that sarcastically, if it sounds that way :-), but I have lived in a big city and I’ve traveled a lot and I know, to some extent, at least, the amazing life and opportunities those places offer. But I’ve also found, through my own struggles, that there are things you can get here that you can’t get there. I know it’s hard not to compare while you are here, but please don’t give those thoughts that you’ve landed back in lame-o podunkville any credence. This place is filled with beautiful people who are living life and who have dreams and aspirations and disappointments and heartaches. It’s okay to be here. Where you are does nothing to define who you are. This is just a part of your journey.
Finally, and most importantly, I believe firmly that God is a God of new life, of rebirth, of redemption, and of grace. He is always doing something with our lives if we are seeking Him, even when we seem to be in the midst of a desert. He takes the pieces of our lives and forms beautiful things, and I know He is doing that with yours. Trust Him and trust that He’s doing something. That is the only anchor that holds firm. I take a lot of encouragement from Psalm 103, especially vs. 2-5:
“Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits–who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”
May, I hope this doesn’t seem judgmental (it’s not meant that way) or like so many platitudes. They are just thoughts that I hope will help a bit.