Expectation Expectoration

So, maybe sometimes I have these hopes, but they’re not all that specific, and all I really want is to have fun. General, living-it-up fun. And maybe I’ve resolved that I’m past the point in my life to waste time on drama. Stop playing games; cut to the chase. The chase not actually being a game, but a pursuit. A quest. It starts with a nervous email and it gets a sincere response. That’s fun. Then it goes to texting, easy enough, which is also fun. Then to phone calls, which I don’t initiate. They’re nice when they come; reassuring, and in the moment, they too are fun. The voices are nice, the laughter; the next best thing to facetime. Nothing happens quickly or in a confusing way, not that I would hope for that. Not that I wouldn’t hope for that. But what about phonetime makes me want facetime, and will that make me want even more? When will it come? Will it come? All of a sudden it’s gotten specific, and disappointment has ambushed me, and my precautions are futile. If I’m having fun, if my hopes are coming true, then why isn’t that enough? What is the fun in the wanting?