No Lack of Self-Indulgence Here

A few excerpts from chats. Altered to be anonymous. No context, except the timestamps. But maybe a little insight.

Friend: may
how long are you going to be in Utah?
11:47 AM me: a while
thousands of years
Friend: like years?
WHAT!
me: that’s where i’ll be translatedd
Friend: i’ll be molded into dust by then
like, 5 years?
me: 1.5 to 2, maybe longer
11:48 AM Friend: hmm
ok
me: we’ll see
Friend: if i move back to utah do you want to be roommates?
😉
me: i want to!
but
… what?!
Friend: just asking.
you know
as hypotheticals
me: ah yes. those
Friend: every time i go home i miss my family
a LOT
and i miss being by them
11:49 AM but the idea of moving back to UT single sounds like self-inflicted torture of the worst kind
BUT
i miss my family
and if nothing changes out here in a year or two
i think i might as well be single near family
i don’t know…
me: i hear you
loud and clear
hopefully i’ll be out of dumb byu approved housing by then
11:50 AM so we can live a debaucherous life

Honestly, I haven’t thought much about where I’d be after school. More school? In Utah? Another country? Also, as much as I joke about the cougar thing, being single in five years is not outside the realm of possibility. Also, is “dumb byu approved housing” insulting?

***

1:43 PM Friend: yeah it’s a unique situation. They think they need some space to know for sure this is what they want…so I move and yet they still want to date? I am confused and so it’s hard to know what to accept at the moment?
1:44 PM me: that’s understandable
you may just need to understand they’re confused
and their behavior’s gonna indicate that
1:45 PM but you have to set some conditions too
because they confuse you
and they may not know
if they need space, they have to mean it
really get down to the bottom of what they want
1:46 PM without you
at least for a while
otherwise it sends mixed signals
Friend: true… it’s the constant mixed signals that get to me.
1:47 PM me: first, you deserve to be understood
and treated fairly
1:48 PM they’re not being fair to you when they say one thing and do another
and it may not be their fault
but it still happens
1:49 PM Friend: We are trying to find that happy medium…a win win for both…where they feel their freedom and space to figure things out and I have my clear view of the true situation and what I can offer from there.
me: ok
Friend: It still sucks when there’s a connection and one pulls away and the other is unsure what will happen?
1:50 PM me: the uncertainty sucks
but be prepared for whatever happens
limit those kinds of expectations, if you have to have them
1:51 PM Friend: true… I do tend to hope and wait and want it to turn out great…but I really don’t know with this one.
1:52 PM me: that’s one of the great / unfortunate things about you – you put your whole heart out there
1:53 PM Friend: I don’t [know] if it’s a good thing or not. I seem to get hurt a lot. I can’t seem to change that about me though. 🙂

Sometimes I have this issue with giving unsolicited advice. Sometimes I just want to know if friends are willing to talk about their tough times. Maybe it ends up helping them, but more often it helps me stop feeling sorry for my sorry self.

***

3:52 PM Friend: are you already moved to byu? I saw spackling…
me: end of the month
3:53 PM Friend: at least you can write neatly. I have to focus really hard.
I never heard if you got the scholarship
3:54 PM also, how is skype possiblity looking?
me: no … gpa upon leaving wasn’t up to snuff
my sad little pc takes a while to get set up for skype, but sometimes it works
3:55 PM Friend: aww man! Well the Lord knows what you need, right?
me: yeah
Friend: maybe we could try to try again sometime soon.
3:56 PM I just need to be made to do social things right now. Wanna hold me to something? I really want to turtle in lately dealing wtih all this, so I’m forcing me to force you to be social with me. Like that?
3:57 PM me: i like it
i’ve felt that way before
just some interaction helps
even on a somewhat superficial level
especially
3:58 PM Friend: yeah, right. and you bring out a side of me that no one else in teh world evokes. really, you do.
Something in me that I’m likely to forget when you’re not in my life.
I don’t mean to get gushy, but it’s true.
me: aww
i know what you mean
Friend: i knew you would.

My friends are so freaking worth it. They don’t even know.

A little discussion.

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