What I’ll miss: The Strand
A pretty fabulous bookstore, wherein live lots of used books for cheap and lots of new books for not full-price. It’s where I got my Moleskine at a discount. It’s a great place for gifts. It’s where I can and have spent hours floating between stacks, watching people rekindle their love affair with books, breathing in the old-book smell, falling in sinkholes of my own drool as I crack the spines of hundreds of lovely, wonderful books. It’s not literal drool, mind you, the spittle drool; it’s soul drool. My soul salivates, and no one has stopped ringing the bell. I know reminiscing about the Strand will elicit a similar response, but not the same …

What I won’t miss: That homeless dude who told me I didn’t give him enough money
It was about 6:30AM one hot summer morning. I was on my way home from … 112th Street. The guy approached me, I had no change. I was pretty flustered to begin with, and he wasn’t going to leave me alone. I opened my wallet and found $1 and $5. I said, what the heck, and gave him $1, which is A LOT OF MONEY. He then said, I know you have more, I want to get me some fried chicken. What nerve, I KNOW YOU HAVE MORE?! I made like I was going to take the money back, but instead I said – more like yelled – Be grateful I gave you anything at all, and he flinched a little and I walked away in an aggravated huff. I can’t even afford fried chicken. Gee whiz.

Parks and Recreation


What I’ll miss: Fort Tryon Park
If you’ve ever been, how can you not miss it? And the Cloisters? And the beautiful gardens in the spring and rockscapes and picnics on the green? And the quiet overlooks on the Hudson River at sunset? And the chicken you clucked a conversation with? What, that wasn’t you? It was me? It was me.

What I won’t miss: Those kids selling candy on the subway for their “basketball team”
I suppose they could be legit. Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please: those kids annoyed me, and I still won’t miss them.

Something to Reade

What I’ll miss: Duane Reade
They’re everywhere in the city! It’s a pharmacy! It’s a convenience store! They give you $5 for every $100 you spend! It’s where some friends and I saw the wonderful, adorable Elijah Wood!

What I won’t miss: Garbage day
Sometimes they stack the bags six or more feet high! And it takes up half the sidewalk! And I fear the piles toppling and burying me alive! What a shameful, putrescent death!

We Interrupt This Blog to Announce

Brigham Young University of the Provo, Utah has officially admitted me as a student.

I’m set to attend Winter Semester, 2010.

Of course I sent out a mass text. If I missed you, I deeply apologize.

Here are the replies I received so far, in the order they came:
-May! That’s so great! And you didn’t even have to beat anyone up!!!
-That’s so great! Congratulations!
-Holy sh..! Congrats!
-Yay!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!
-Yay! When are you moving to utah? Let me know if you need a ride from the airport.
-Who is this sorry i lost my phone
-SWEET! When do you go?
-Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When do you head off then?
-We were just talking about you
-One more credit!
-Congrats! That’s awesome!
-CongratULATIONS! Although you will be missed around here-
-Congratulations! What program and when do you start? I want to start the MBA program next fall. Maybe we’ll be cougars together!
-Sweet omgosh have fun!!!!!
-Aw! Congratulations! I’m with [other former seminary students] they say hi
-Congrats! Now go get that scholarship! I know you can!
-Yay!! Soon we can play again!
-Of course you are! They’re lucky to have you! CONGRATULATIONS May!
-For grad school?
-Sweet. I cant wait. We can hang out at Hoogie [sic] yogi together. Its like the rosa mexicana of the west
-That’s exciting you’re heading back to school. Congratulations!

I’m so grateful for everyone’s support. I love you all.

Sounding Off

What I’ll miss: Late night dance parties
Scene: Sunday night/early Monday morning. It’s past midnight, so it’s no longer the Sabbath. Someone plugs in an iPod and the opening piano chords to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” drive the beat, and all of a sudden everyone knows it’s time for a singalong dance party. We bust out the Wii guitars and airjam like it’s the 80s, when the men had way bigger hair than the women and didn’t care about the consequences of way-too-tight pants. I, too, have taken the midnight train going anywhere. The streetlight people knowingly nod. They understand.

Then, if that doesn’t convince you, that’s because you need a better sense of who you are. Did you forget your name? Did someone else? Convenient that the Ting Tings’s “That’s Not My Name” is the very next song. It’s late at night. We might be a little delirious, but still a lot hyper (some more than others), and if you’re not singing along, or even dancing? You’re dead inside. And I feel sorry for you.

These won’t be as fun in Provo. I have a feeling.

What I won’t miss: Drag racers and jackhammers
The drag racers usually come after midnight. The jackhammers tend to start around 7am. I don’t sleep very well to begin with, but I figure the rest of the city could use some decent sleep. Seriously.

That Old Song

What I’ll miss: New Year’s Eve
I know I just said I won’t miss tourists, but nothing is quite like the phenomenon of one million people standing in Times Square waiting to ring in the New Year, or the thousands of parties around the city watching it on television. I might actually be in Utah on New Year’s Eve, and I know I’ll be looking at my former home and wondering where everyone is or how they’re anticipating the rest of their lives. I miss it already.

What I won’t miss: Dirty snow and unjumpable puddles
I love when a fresh blanket of snow covers the city overnight, and it softens the noise and makes everything look brighter, but once the plows come through and traffic awakes and turns the snow into mud slushies, it’s gross, and I feel like spitting. I’m done.

I love summer rains and the fresh and cooler air it brings, and even how the clouds and I even seem to bond as we perspire together, but summer doesn’t even seem like summer when you fear catching a disease from jumping in a puddle. When it rains, all the city fluids combine and the drains become sewers above ground, turning us all into grumpy, 9-to-5, scurrying, mangy-haired rats. All I want is a fresh, clean puddle.