Did I happen to encourage a bunch of Frosted Flakes fans to vote? I was trying to be impartial, and I wanted to be impartial, but in my heart of hearts, Honey Nut Cheerios should have won. I spent three solid months in the last little while eating that for breakfast every morning. And I’d grab a handful to snack on during the day.
Sure, I ate the Flakes a lot as a child, but that was my dad’s favorite cereal. I’ve rarely eaten it as an adult. I’ve been an adult for 15 years now. That’s almost as long as I was a child, at least legally.
Also? The Bee has far more personality than Tony. And, who wears nothing but a bandana around his neck? And he promotes a breakfast food? I’m supposed to wake up to that? When I think breakfast, I think morning and sunrise and the quiet in the surrounding flora, except for the awesome pollination going on that will ultimately produce honey, a substance that could be either nectar or ambrosia – golden and thick and perfectly, naturally sweet.
Okay, fine. Honey Nut Cheerios has artificial stuff in it, but I know you know where I’m going with this. Honey is awesome. Nuttiness adds depth to the flavor. And O, that’s a circle, a symbol of completeness, wholeness, eternity. A bowl of eternities, just for you, to eat, to incorporate, so that you can integrate into the universe, become one. Delicious. Glorious. Exquisite. I can’t believe you would deny yourselves that experience.
I’m so sorry, Honey Nut Cheerios. You deserve far better.