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I don’t have these conversations thinking I’ll post them later on this blog. My friends listen. They respond. They do and say things that humble me and support me and comfort me. They make me smile. And sometimes, I want everyone to see how awesome my friends are, and more often than not, their own words speak very loudly and very clearly for themselves.
So. More gushing about friends, except I really don’t have to say much at all. Struggling. Same old story. Friends helping me get through. Friends knowing what to say. Friends helping me pluck my head from the sand. Or relash a broken raft. Or tossing me a life preserver. Thank goodness for gchat; thank goodness for friends.
1:you think you’re drifting from friends because your life is about to go in a different direction?
or the relationships are in limbo a little bit?
me: oh i don’t know
it’s all one big blurry mess
me: it’s probably a bit of both
1: do you think it might feel more like a big blurry mess than it actually is because you have more time to think about it at the moment? 🙂
paralysis of analysis sort of stuff?
me: i may concede some parallax
and some deep self-absorption because i have nothing else to think about
1: I’m the queen of that
yeah, that’s sort of how I get in the summer
just know that those relationships are solid and secure, but just in a bit of flux right now
they’ll still be there before, after, and during any transition you’re going through
has anyone ever said that to you and it sounded like the newest, freshest advice anyone has ever given?
1: no, but I wish they would sometimes!!!! 🙂
trust me, I know what it’s like to be in the middle of a situation and unable to find clarity
me: that’s totally what i needed to hear
1: I’m so glad 🙂
not to be corny, but that probably means it was a message from God, not me
me: you’re being a proper instrument, then
which i’m grateful for
1: well, thanks, I needed to hear that, too 🙂
and now I’m headed to bed because [the very cute dog] won’t stop barking at me and I think he’s telling me to go to sleep already
me: oh, the constants in our lives …
thanks for the wisdom.
1: amen 🙂
me: had a short meeting with the bishop today
just gave him an update
2: did he give you any good advice?
me: yeah. he’s great
gave me some resources from the stake
got to tell him how hard it is not to fall into a pit of self-loathing and loserhood
did well not to cry
2: I wish I could give you a hug
2: I don’t know how, but things will work out
2: which I’m sure everyone keeps telling you
me: it helps.
the negative thoughts are trying to win
so it helps
2: you aren’t a loser
you have a ton to give
times are just tough
you seriously amaze me
so often… you don’t even know
just keep that in mind…
you, my friend, are truly a treasure
me: thanks. that’s really kind of you
2: it’s honest
you don’t give yourself enough credit
which I get
but you should just sometimes take a step back and realize how amazing you are
you are smart
and so very, incredibly thoughtful
you think things out
you understand things
2: you don’t need to say anything
take a second
and remember that YOU are a daughter of GOD
you are royal
are something special
don’t let anyone or anything make you think otherwise
I may have cried during these conversations.
I review these chats; I reread them and wonder how it is ever possible to feel sorry for myself. What more can I say? My friends speak the truth, and I am incredibly blessed.
Bubbles float to the surface
Eyelids drag when I blink
The crowd holds its breath?
It’s a common trick
The clock ticks
I want to breathe
But I choke
And the chains
I am a bubble, too
The clock is on my side
The clock is the key
The clock is steady
And I wait
I rise, I buoy slowly
My hair, tentacles
Like a Man o’ War’s
Inadvertently stings me
My heart fights
My pulse races
My lungs burn
The clock, steady
I surge past
Where the water
Meets the sky
And I gasp for August.