Almost Done

Down to 41. Looks like it’s gonna be a pretty exciting semifinal. The kids look pretty cool, and I recognize quite a few returning contestants.

I can’t really sleep. It’s almost 2am. I’m in the living room with my laptop. Maybe I could sleep, but I don’t know how much rest I would get, if that makes any sense.

If any of you can’t tell, I’m in pure escapist mode right now. Yes, I know I need to follow up on resume submissions. Yes, I know I could go out and look for temporary work. Yes, I know I should also probably apply to schools. Yes, I know I need to be praying more specifically about what’s happening next in my life. Yes, I know I could use a priesthood blessing. I know I need to be sensible. I know these things.

I feel like I’m fading. Emotionally, psychologically. I know it’s high time to be gone from New York City, and I’m doing my best to accept it, but I haven’t said anything about accepting it, and I pretty much won’t talk about it because I’m too busy escaping, not from New York, but from myself. Acceptance doesn’t mean painlessness. And I feel like I’ve blended into the background, like everybody else knows but they won’t say, but it doesn’t matter because they’ve already acknowledged it some other way and it’s like I’m already gone.

So it should be easier to leave then, right? Just slip out the back door.

I’m giving another talk this Sunday. It’s supposed to last 10 to 15 minutes.

Bedtime.

A little discussion.

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