Things I Found While Looking for My Scriptures

-the axle adapter for my bicycle trainer. I can switch the original rear axle on my bike for this one and hook the bike up to the trainer, then I can adjust the resistance against the rear wheel, then I can ride my bike inside. Which is what I did. I spent about 20 minutes on the bike today, and I sweated like a pig. Fun. Wimpy on the May scale, though.

-the cycling gloves. These are purple; they match my bike. I didn’t wear these today, but they’re nice to have out whenever it decides to warm up. I’m guessing end of March. I will probably regret that guess.

-the wireless headphones. I also found the charger and the adapter. I can plug these in, then I can put them on and wander around the house and not disturb my roommates with loud music or questionable movies. Hee. I haven’t done that yet. The headphones are still charging.

-the scriptures. Finally! These were actually in kind of an obvious place. It’s embarrassing, but I’m glad I have them again. It’s wonderfully reassuring to feel the canon’s heft in my hands and open them and hear their gospelly whispers. They’re my scriptures; they’re comfortable – I know them. They’re like coming home.

***

I’m heading to a church activity tonight. We’re celebrating the Chinese New Year. Eating good food. Meeting new people and old friends. Seeing the subject of my latest poetry. I guess I gotta go make myself look hot …

Permission

I’m allowed to have a bad day at work. Circumstances aren’t always going to be ideal, and while I’ve given myself enough emotional room to cope, I can’t be on my toes all the time. Things may crash every once in a while, and they may all crash on the same day, and I might not be ready or strong enough to take it. Fact of life.

I’m allowed to rant about my bad days. Without sense or rationale, I reserve the right to complain. While this may not improve the circumstances at work, it helps me to feel better just to talk about it; it may increase my ability to handle next bad day, because there will be a next . The rambling might not make sense, but that’s what rants are.

I’m allowed to see when I’m not really being listened to. I’m allowed to see I may not have picked a good time to rant (when is a good time?!), and I’m allowed to shrink in front of those who appear to love their jobs all the time or mean to be  helpful by offering sound practical advice because in my mind they’ve been hypnotized somehow by Ayn Rand. If I’m having an emotional moment, it’s hard for me to let people appeal with reason, at least until I’ve calmed down.

I’m allowed to calm down. I realize I’m usually pretty centered and practical, and I usually don’t talk a lot. And maybe I just wasn’t relating very well what kind of day I had, and maybe I do sometimes create situations at work that backfire, and maybe I was just expecting too much. And it’s not like it’s anyone’s fault, really. No one’s but my own. It’s not like I complain about my job all the time. Maybe that’s the problem, though. I heard the words coming out of my own mouth and maybe people were just preoccupied, but at the end of it I felt more condemned than understood. Maybe I shouldn’t have expected that, understanding. For having a bad day. Because everybody has them.

I’m allowed to have them.

I’m letting it go.