So, we’ve taken to texting. When I called him on Monday, he kept calling me back. He left a message, then finally I sent him a text message saying I couldn’t talk any more that day, and for him to leave a message. I also told him to calm down. He then texted me apologizing for the news he shared during our phone call, then he said how excited he was to be talking to me.
He texted me later in the week asking me for Mom’s phone number. I told him I wasn’t comfortable giving it to him. I told him that she had his number, and if she wanted to talk to him, she would call. I told him I was looking forward to seeing him.
The next day he asked if he could introduce me to his sister who lives upstate. I said that was fine. He asked me where I live, and I told him north Manhattan, with two roommates. I told him that I’d like to meet in a public place, and I said I was sure he understands.
He said he couldn’t visit this month. He tried remembering my birthday. Then he asked if he could call Saturday or Sunday. I told him to call Sunday. He got my birthday right, except he was off by a year. He said 1975, and I’m a 76er.
He said he’d call on Sunday. He told me he loves me, take care, and God bless.
That last part was a little weird. He loves me, because he loved my mother. I might be rather lovable, too.
We talked this afternoon. He had a chance to hold me when I was a baby. He remembers my features. He said I look like his father. I thought about how Mom said I look a lot like him. He said he’d really like to talk to my mom, even just for a few minutes. I told him it was her choice. I’m not budging with giving out a phone number that isn’t mine. I’ve told Mom all of this already.
I write here because I feel safe here.
The phone call was full of nervous tension. I’m not crazy about talking on the phone to begin with, but I appreciate the effort he’s making. I like that he’s willing to introduce me to all the family he’s made known to me in the past few days.
He speaks excitedly; I can tell a lot is on his mind. It’s a little awkward still for me, but I am happy to answer his questions and jog his memories. He’s answered a lot of my questions, but he can’t exactly jog my memories. Our relationship is a bit asymmetric.
Also, I haven’t thought a lot past what happens when he’s answered all my questions. He wants to establish an actual relationship.
He’s very sweet and well-meaning, and he only says nice things. He texts when I want to text, and he respects when I can talk on the phone and the conditions for our in-person meeting, which might actually be in a couple of months.
He might be gaining my trust.
He’s been a very patient man.