The Invitation, I Think

On a late summer day in 1978 a little girl named May came to the United States. She and her family set foot in Hawaii, the 50th nifty state of the Union. She was two years old, and she probably had no clue what was going on. She might have been jetlagged or airsick, or she might have been secretly planning a coup on the flight from the Philippines. She and her family continued on to the mainland to begin a new life, or maybe to execute that coup. Who really knows; it’s hard to discern a toddler’s mind sometimes.

Thirty years later, this little girl is now a woman, but still kind of little. But she wears makeup. She has applied to be a naturalized citizen of the United States. She loves this country. She loves the opportunities, the people, the chance to express herself and dress like a Yip-Yip. Even though she has successfully avoided jury duty for the past 14 years, she now wants to serve on a jury, because she wants to vote. She embraces that responsibility and respects that right. She’s so close to becoming an American citizen; she passed her test! All she awaits is her swearing-in.

Come celebrate this momentous and highly anticipated event in May’s life. She invites you to a party – it seems Americans are pretty good at parties. Details below:

May’s shindig, hootenanny, soirée bash thingy is on Wednesday, November 12, 2008. Yes, it’s a weekday, but it’s the day after Veterans Day and safely eight days after Election Day, and about two weeks before the American Thanksgiving. Yay, American November! Plus, she’s holding the party while HER MOM IS IN TOWN. If you want to see for yourself the origin of May’s disposition and also why her limbs are so small, this is something you don’t want to miss.

The party is from 7 – 9 PM. Because it’s a weekday. Because May’s mom is in town. Because May’s mom would like to get to bed relatively early and spend a little more individualized time with May. May might be wishfully thinking, here.

The party will have a playlist, including, “Born in the USA,” “America” by Neil Diamond, “American Pie” by Don McLean, “Fifty Nifty United States,” and, “I’m Just A Bill,” from Schoolhouse Rock, and many others.

We will sing along; we will recite the Pledge of Allegiance and the Preamble to the Constitution; we will see how you fare with the American civics questions May studied for her interview.

May lives in New York City, home of the Statue of Liberty and the epicenter of capitalism, the American economic system. [Directions to my home]

May would like to “spread the wealth” by offering the option of bringing any of the following, should you choose to come (but please do not feel obligated):

elephant and/or donkey shaped cookies (extra credit if they’re purple!)
Coca-Cola or other American, non-alcoholic beverages
a fruit pizza that looks like the American flag
chads; “I VOTED” stickers

May and crew (Mom) will provide:
little apple pies
hot dogs/veggie dogs
sliders (maybe)
American virgin cocktails
Coca-Cola or other American, non-alcoholic beverages

Please do not bring:
alcoholic beverages
anarchist music
plans for a coup
anything else that might get May deported

May thanks you for your support and friendship. You’ve inspired her with your integrity and Americality. She would love to see you at the party and hopes that you can drop by!