“…thundering velvet hand …”

I don’t really feel like writing in this thing right now, but I’m making myself.
Being sick isn’t fun, but this is the 2nd time in less than two months. I haven’t been this susceptible to germs in a long time. So, I figure it’s stress. I guess maybe I stressed too much about yesterday’s run. I guess maybe I’m starting to stress too much about work. And for no real good reason I’m stressing about my relationships — friendships, family. Now, I’m listening to Dan Fogelberg. He’s supposed make everything feel better. He’s nostalgic. I guess he does help.

“Same Old Lang Syne.” Friendships are delicate. I wouldn’t say most of mine are fragile, but definitely delicate, intricate. My friends know this. And I don’t know what my deal is lately, but I feel like I should be more proactive about my friendships. I feel like some have the potential to become major FUBARs if I’m not more mindful.

Aww, “Run for the Roses.”

I’m a nailbiter. It’s got to be a nervous habit. However, I’ve limited this compulsion to my thumbnails, but I keep the others short. But on top of that, I pick at my cuticles. It’s a rather disgusting habit. It’s taken a lot of mental energy to convince myself this is only anxiety and not a form of self-mutilation, like those folks who cut themselves as a way of feeling in control of a situation. It’s got to be anxiety, because I just caught myself biting at my thumb, because I’m unsure of what to write here. What a weirdo.

Deep breaths.
Prayer.
A relaxing book.
Meditation.
Bubble bath with candles around the bathtub.
Dan Fogelberg.

“Leader of the Band” I remember in Mrs. Bowles’s advanced English class sophomore year we analyzed this song. Replete with metaphors, chock-full of imagery, and lots of discussion about what the song “really” means. It made my heart hurt. I also remember the easy-listening station where my mom invariably (seemingly) had the car radio tuned. This song would play a lot. And it meant so much more after my sophomore year.

You know, if I didn’t bite my nails, I probably wouldn’t get sick as often. There’s a lesson for the ol’ noggin…

2 thoughts on ““…thundering velvet hand …”

  1. Hey didn’t we do the same with Jim Croce’s ‘Operator’ in that class? I hadn’t thought of Mrs. Bowles in a long time, but she really did me a huge favor that kind of got shoved way under the bed. She’s the first one that spurred some writing confidence in me and recommended I take AP junior year. See, if you hadn’t written who knows how much longer she would have gone without the acknowledgement she deserves. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Deep breaths.

    “The most basic pranayama practice is breath awareness. Lie down, close your eyes, and bring your attention to your breath. See if you can feel the breath moving in your body, so your belly rises softly on the inhalations and falls on the exhalations. As you exhale, let the back of your waist relax toward the floor. Remain passive on the inhalations. If you have trouble feeling movement in your belly, place a book on your abdomen. When you inhale deeply, the book will rise; when you exhale, the book should fall.

    This practice is the first step toward extending your life force. Try it before you go to bedโ€”it can be especially helpful in relaxing before sleep.”

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