October 2, 2011

Let’s Play Inferences

Posted by mayiwrite under church, miscellany, mormonism, my life, relationships | Tags: , , , , |
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Facts:
I checked my grades for my religion class on Thursday
Apparently I received a 7/10 on a weekly journal assignment
I reviewed the journal assignment
I sent the professor an email contesting the score
The email may have sounded slightly annoyed, but I tried sounding as nice as possible

The professor’s response:
Ouch… sorry your journal was misgraded… It looks great to me and I have given you three more points. The reason it was marked down is my TA misunderstood what you were doing. It is fine. Press on. I continue to like your creativity…
[Professor]

Conclusions:
Ouch: I may have come across more annoyed than I intended
three more points: My overall journal score is now perfect, and there is no reason why it shouldn’t be
TA misunderstood: This does not surprise me, though I’m a big fan of smart and competent TAs
I continue to like your creativity: The entry was relatively creative. Duh.

***

Now it’s your turn! What are your conclusions from these statements?

1. General Conference was great and dreadful in all the expected ways.

2. This week will be insanely busy.

3. I know I should want to get married, but most days, I just don’t feel it.

Have a great week!

 

January 7, 2011

Small Request

Posted by mayiwrite under advice, friends, miscellany, my life, relationships, single life | Tags: , , , , |
1 Comment 

I know I don’t talk to a lot of you on a regular basis, and sometimes the conversation goes a certain way. Most of the time. You know what I mean. I’ve been having this kind of discussion for 18 years, ever since I was old enough to date?

If you decide to ask me if I’m dating anyone, just be aware that I will know:

  1. if you’re merely curious
  2. if you are concerned about my overall happiness and would meddle if you could
  3. if you want to brag about your current amazing relationship, which, if you’d just tell me already, I’d be very excited for you.

Now, I can hold up my end of the conversation, and my intuition serves me well. I may call you out on your intentions, or I may not. But please also be aware that:

  1. if I want to tell you if I’m dating, I will
  2. if I’m not dating, it doesn’t mean I’m sad or pathetic
  3. I really do appreciate your company, but if I’m not outright complaining about dating, you really don’t have to worry or try to fix anything. I’m doing great. I promise.

Thanks.

 

July 30, 2010

Not Grateful

Posted by mayiwrite under relationships | Tags: , |
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Dear People,

Do you even read this blog anymore? I did start writing here over seven years ago as a way to update friends and family about my life. Now it seems I’m talking to empty space. A void.

I miss the details about your lives. I miss being involved. And present. And I realize what I signed up for when I returned to school, but I didn’t fully understand how much it would change everything.

Are we even friends anymore? I don’t recognize what this is, us.

Maybe I’m having trouble correlating my absence with the obvious consequence of delayed gratification. I’m used to being in the loop, instantly and constantly. Even when things were strained between us, when we were in the same room, at least we could share the elephant that stood in the middle of it.

Everything about all my relationships is palpable to me. They have texture and dimension. And when they seem to sublimate before me, I worry.

Is it really as easy as “Out of sight, out of mind”? It can’t be, else I might as well take Occam’s Razor across my wrist.

 

July 27, 2010

Oh, Google, What Do You Think You’re Doing?

Posted by mayiwrite under friends, government | Tags: , , , |
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I received an email from a lawyer today. It kindly requested I correct some information about the person the attorney represents. After I made the necessary edits, I replied:

Per your request, I did correct the reference to [the person] in my blog, mayiwrite.com. The edit was according to the designation you provided, [the designation]. Please confirm this correction or advise to omit the name altogether. I’d be more than happy to do that.

There is another mention of [the person] on my blog, besides the post where you commented. It happens to be in an anecdote from one of my readers. If you scroll down to the comment of [this post], you’ll see [the person's name]. If I should do anything with this particular comment, please let me know.

It was never my intention to offend or misinform. I apologize for any oversight.

Thank you.

May Anderton

The esquire promptly replied, thanking me for making the change. He also said he read through some of my other entries. He said they were interesting and that I am an excellent writer. Keep up the good work, he said.

This whole situation is a pretty big deal, because our favorite search engine listed my blog as third from the top when I typed the person’s name in the window that dares me to find anything I absolutely want in the whole universe. How does that even happen?

My bad information could have turned into bad blood.

Very interesting experience. Always learning.

 

July 14, 2010

A Short Note

Posted by mayiwrite under relationships | Tags: , , |
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Dear Person,

I’d like to inform you that texting is not an acceptable substitute for a phone call. I’ve only texted you as a reply to your texts, but I’ve also called and left messages as an effort to show you how important talking with you is.

I know you’re busy; I know you’re involved. That does not excuse you from being a Person. You still have duties as a Person. I do not feel your love as a Person through your texts.

Please try to communicate better.

I miss you.

Love, may

 

July 11, 2010

7/12/2010

Posted by mayiwrite under friends, nostalgia | Tags: , , , |
1 Comment 

Dear Australia,

Right now, over where you are, it’s Becky’s birthday.

If she had remained single up to this point, she would have “graduated” up to the family ward at church. You swept her up and saved her in the nick of time.

And, you took her from me. But hey, I can’t do anything about that. I wouldn’t have tried, seeing how abundantly happy she is.

You know what, though, Barry? I get to see her in a month.

I’ve been planning this for a long time, and with each passing day I get increasingly excited. I know you know what that’s like, because I’ve seen you count down the days when Becky would become a fixture in your life. I’m genuinely happy for you. I know you’re treating her well. I know she’s thriving and loving her new life and counting her blessings, even though she has to start numerous rounds on her fingers and toes to try keeping track.

When I think of Becky’s birthday, I think of my time with her in New York City. Movies and books and dinners and exploring the city with friends. And videos. And happy tears. Lots of laughter. True quality time. It was with that time I felt almost deceptive, because her presence was a far bigger gift than anything I could ever dream of giving to her.

It’s Becky’s birthday! Show her a great time, Barry. I know you’re making her as happy as she deserves to be. I know you’re more than capable of filling the next month with richness and bounty.

Then, I’d like a turn. If that’s okay.

I love you, Barry.

But, I loved Becky first.

Happy Birthday, girl.

May

 

March 28, 2010

Another Letter, Again

Posted by mayiwrite under friends | Tags: , , |
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Dear Australia,

Barry.

I know I said I was done writing you, but I just finished watching my best friend’s wedding videos, and I am weeping. I’m sure you’ve seen what a beautiful bride and wife she is. Of course you have.

It’s incredible, the different and disparate paths our lives take. The Lord definitely guides us – if we let Him – to where we need to be.

It’s Palm Sunday here, and my gratitude is overflowing.

I’m glad Becky and I got to talk on the phone a couple of weeks ago. The signal was clear, and she didn’t seem as far away.

It makes me happy to see my friends really, truly in love. I think back to that January morning in the temple and all the true and righteous choices that led to her marriage. What a beautiful day! What a wonderful life! She inspires me.

Becky loves and gives and understands and cherishes. I’m so blessed to have her friendship. She’s been there for me pretty much since we first met almost six years ago, and I can always count on her for her support.

Keep me posted, Barry. I’ll see you soon.

Love,
may

 

February 5, 2010

Still Applies

Posted by mayiwrite under friends, my life, nostalgia | Tags: , , |
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The power and wisdom of friends are beyond measure. One such friend told me one day:

May, … I wanted to share a few thoughts with you while they were fresh in my mind…..

First, let me say that I understand, from more firsthand experience than I wish I had, how you feel.  You know I’ve … been utterly perplexed as to what I should do next, and all as a single person, which adds a whole new dimension that most can’t understand.  I still look at my life occasionally and think, “Where am I going?  Why did I decide to do this?  And why didn’t things work out the way I wanted them to in (fill in the blank)?”.  I’ve been angry and not known what I was angry at, been sadder than I thought I could bear, and ached for people and places I left behind.  So, long story short….you are not alone.  Others have been where you are now, and while they can’t do much to take away the struggle you are going through, they do understand and know that the darkness will clear at some point.

Secondly, I want you to know that I am always willing to talk about anything you need to talk about….there is no need to be eloquent or even to make sense.  I have tried to give you your space … but don’t think that I’m not always willing to listen.  …  Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to make this time MEAN something, if that makes sense…..just relax and rest and take care of yourself and try to find fun when you can.  You are going through a major change in your life, and that is going to have an effect on your mental state….it would on anyone’s.  Don’t think there’s anything wrong with YOU when your brain feels jumbled or angst-ridden.

Thirdly (why do I feel like I’m writing a 3-point high school essay?), please know that being here is not a failure.  I admit that I am not coming from the perspective of someone who has lived in New York (and I’m not saying that sarcastically, if it sounds that way :-) , but I have lived in a big city and I’ve traveled a lot and I know, to some extent, at least, the amazing life and opportunities those places offer.  But I’ve also found, through my own struggles, that there are things you can get here that you can’t get there.  I know it’s hard not to compare while you are here, but please don’t give those thoughts that you’ve landed back in lame-o podunkville any credence.  This place is filled with beautiful people who are living life and who have dreams and aspirations and disappointments and heartaches.  It’s okay to be here.  Where you are does nothing to define who you are.  This is just a part of your journey.

Finally, and most importantly, I believe firmly that God is a God of new life, of rebirth, of redemption, and of grace.  He is always doing something with our lives if we are seeking Him, even when we seem to be in the midst of a desert.  He takes the pieces of our lives and forms beautiful things, and I know He is doing that with yours.  Trust Him and trust that He’s doing something. That is the only anchor that holds firm.  I take a lot of encouragement from Psalm 103, especially vs. 2-5:
“Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits–who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

May, I hope this doesn’t seem judgmental (it’s not meant that way) or like so many platitudes.  They are just thoughts that I hope will help a bit.

Thank you.

 

January 12, 2010

The Last in the Series of Missives

Posted by mayiwrite under friends, mormonism, photo, relationships | Tags: , , , , , |
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Dear Australia,

It is done.

I can’t describe my feelings, not properly, not with any sort of justice or eloquence.

I miss her. The ache stabs. It burns. It wrings and gouges and shreds. The void has too much power.

My mind flashes memories of our walking the city streets, her dodging cafe umbrellas while I walk under them with plenty of clearance. Our standing at intersections, watching her eyes, intent as sentinels, on the traffic, so I, too, would know when to cross.

My mind reaches back to our first meeting, in November 2004, where she stood somewhat aloof while an old friend and I caught up. We explored Midtown that day in the pouring rain.

One time I called her while babysitting for a family in my ward, close to five years ago. We talked of fast friendship, and maybe Star Trek. We laughed.

Movies, music, massages, mail returns. City strolls and subway stunts and Serendipity and award-winning cinema. Rats and road trips, and simply rejoicing in each other’s company.

Tears and turmoil. Laughter, love.

I was there when she began falling in love. I knew it would run its course, and I know the course has not yet ended. It has only begun.


She’s married, five days now, going on forever.

In Australia.

You, Barry: I blame you.

I want her back. I need her back. I need her smiling eyes and steady presence and her gentle voice to reassure me. I need to exchange knowing smirks, as I look up and she looks down, of our juxtaposed heights and the seeming paradox of the not-so-well-kept secret that we are, undoubtedly, the very, very best of friends.

That’s why she let me win at miniature golf. That’s why I don’t make fun of her anymore for mistaking Bono for Bon Jovi. That’s why the individual time we spent together back in September and October, before I up and left, I treasure beyond anything in this world. That’s why the chasm in my chest pushes so relentlessly against the rest of my heart. I just can’t stand being away. And now, so very far away.

She looked incredible in white, though. She looked completely happy with her groom.

And the groom? I trust him. He’s good and kind and funny and totally committed to giving Becky the very best life he can.

I fully support that.

Maybe I’ll just let my mind continue to reach, to fathom the past five years and the culminating events that bring us to now and into eternity.

We’ll share her instead.

Okay.

With my deepest gratitude,
May

 

November 16, 2009

Time Ache

Posted by mayiwrite under my life | Tags: , , |
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Dear New York,

Florida is not a drag. The weather has been wonderful. The people are nice. It’s good to see my family.

Time is supposed to make me feel better, to make it go away.

I went away, but nothing feels better. I don’t.

Why is that?

I’ll have to write you more later. I can’t think very clearly right now.

I hope this finds you well. I miss you.

May

 

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