It’s no surprise to me.
Simple focus, right?
Keeping busy was driving away defeatist thoughts for a while.
Then keeping busy started turning into feeling overwhelmed.
At least I have an okay backstroke.
January 20, 2011
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
Posted by mayiwrite under advice, friends, health, links, my life, observations, therapy | Tags: exercise, feeling a little overwhelmed, feeling okay, french, happiness, homework, need sleep really bad, school, swimming, triathlon, very tired |1 Comment
January 14, 2011
I Had A Great Week
Posted by mayiwrite under advice, friends, miscellany, mormonism, music, my life, relationships | Tags: a little thinking, advice, family, feeling okay, freelance whales, friends, music, school, smiling lots, where is the love |[2] Comments
It was profound and eye-opening. And I wish I could describe it. All the great and marvelous happenings definitely countered the confusion and hurt.
I’m taking everything in the same stride. I’d rather feel hopeful than upset, and my chances for that increase when I don’t dwell on the bad stuff. Acknowledge the negative, allow a reaction, be grateful, then move on. Be better. What else is there?
Simple focus.
Still listening to the Freelance Whales. Here’s the last song on Weathervanes.
We beg rebirth to take us up
Parade our souls out by the back gate
Some claw the ground
Some cut the air
Some warm the seas
But what will you be and when?And I swim through dirt to find you out
And a whale without his family history is
And I used to shout to find my way in the water
Find my distant memory failedLook into the reigns of a great estate
Better lights pull you out of the ground
Seep into the wood of the great estates
Animals your soul will guideGive into the reigns of the great estates
Better lights pull you out of the ground
Seep into the wood of the great estates
Animals your soul will guideGive into the reigns of the great estates
Better lights pull you out of the ground
Seep into the wood of the great estates
Animals your soul will guideGive into the reigns of the great estates
Better lights pull you out of the ground
Seep into the wood of the great estates
Animals your soul will guideGive into the reigns of the great estates
Better lights pull you out of the ground
Seep into the wood of the great estates
Animals your soul will guide
July 29, 2010
A Minor Glitch
Posted by mayiwrite under miscellany, my life | Tags: feeling okay, i need a break, texting fun |Leave a Comment
Sometimes when I experience a sudden mood change, that’s when I need a quick, reassuring word. Not that texting friends for cheer would be any faster than leaving a message and saying, “Hey, I need to laugh,” but my first reaction to something just now was to reach for my phone and start thumb-typing.
It’s a little pathetic.
I’ll never really get used to rejection.
January 27, 2010
I’m fine. I go through little bouts of loneliness and self-pity, and it wasn’t nice of me to fall silent for a couple days on such a melancholy note. Things are looking up.
For those who provided advice and encouragement and support, thank you.
I’ve been offered a job where I can work from home. It involves writing (yay!), but it limits me creatively somewhat (meh). But it’s cash flow, which is what I need.
Another company also extended another round of interviews for hiring in New York City, and I let them know where I am and declined the offer. She said she’d let me know if they’re looking for anyone to work from home.
These both happened on Monday, after I boo-hooed, and during the time many of you asked how I was doing, making sure I was okay. I do have to say that was the quickest hour of intense misery I’ve ever experienced.
Again, thank you.
Yesterday I went to the gym, and today I can not wash my hands without feeling the burn in all my major muscle groups.
I hope I recover quickly.
January 10, 2009
Reading for the Train
Posted by mayiwrite under church, mormonism, nature, writing | Tags: emerson, feeling okay, reading, seminary |Leave a Comment
Emerson’s essays jumped off the bookshelf two nights ago and into my backpack. Why not. I feel introspective and feel the need for more perspective, and Emerson was definitely prospective.
He’s kind of like the richest chocolate you’ve ever eaten. Delicious, succulent; to relish, not to devour quickly but to let the flavor linger on the tongue and the aroma float through your nose and electrify the brain cells. It’s hard for me to handle more than a few paragraphs at a time.
So I began where I always begin: Nature. This was the breakthrough piece. People in his day paid attention when his writing emerged and they gathered in droves where he’d lecture and at his doorstep when he got old. I’d definitely want to be his friend, or at least high on my celebrity sightings list.
I opened the book and began reading. I immediately came across a passage in the first paragraph blows me away every single time: “Why should not we also enjoy an original relation to the universe? Why should not we have a poetry and philosophy of insight and not of tradition, and a religion by revelation to us, and not the history of theirs?”
I don’t want to get obnoxious and quote the whole thing.
This is pure stuff, this elixir of elemental observation. And then it just keeps going, how every word absorbs through the skin and warms and invigorates. The paragraphs move along, my mind makes associations, and if my eyes had hands they would hoard all those words into a stash and try to use them as wisely as Mr. Emerson did.
It always impresses me how the spiritual intellectual often “gets it.” Sure, Emerson was more existential and C.S. Lewis was more about theology, but they both knew what was going on. They took a look at history and religion and their own personal philosophies, and they wrote and they enlightenened and I just want to sit in a room full of people like these two men and listen to them. People who have passed and people who are still living. I want to hear their opinions on the theoretical and the applied. I want to know what their perspectives are on life, from both sides of Heaven’s door.
This will hold me over on the train for a good while.
In other news, last night was a seminary scripture mastery event. During the scripture chase portion, the clue was read, the students turned to hopefully the correct reference, the answer was given, everyone reclosed their scriptures. But, a lone voice contested the answer. I recognized that voice. That voice came from a student who is in my class. I walked over to my student (I was judging other teams at another table) and I nudged the student and said, “Leave it to my class to dispute something.”
The student argued the answer. In a nice way, of course. The student stood behind the answer that wasn’t the one prepared for that particular clue. The student received the points. Of course.
That’s the way I like it.
Not that I had anything to do with that situation, but I couldn’t have been prouder. Emerson would have been proud, too.
