January 30, 2012

A Little Closer

Posted by mayiwrite under advice, miscellany, my life, writing | Tags: , , , , |
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For those who care more about other parts of my life, you’ll have to keep waiting for a little while. I’m taking a short break only because I just received an email I’ve been waiting for for nearly two years.

Thanks for your continued patience.

In May 2010, I submitted a thing to a thing to be considered for publication. It was a final paper I’d written for my American Literature History class.

It is now almost February 2012. My thing has finally been reviewed by a reviewer and an executive editor, and it sounds encouraging:

Reviewer Comments to Author:
Consulting Editor: 1
Comments to the Author
This is a well-written and generally convincing reading. Several emendations might be made.

(a) Improve the opening paragraph by eliminating the first-person reference. There is no need for it here.

(b) On page 3, re-consider the first whole paragraph and its argument re: the color green. This paragraph is unconvincing. It makes too much of a single word and thus weakens the overall argument of the paper.

(c) Consider using the term ‘binaries’ alongside ‘pairs’ in order to vary word choice.

Overall this is a good close reading.

Executive Editor Comments:
Consulting Editor: 1
Comments to the Author
Very nice piece on a neglected story. I agree with the preliminary reader that the first person reference is unnecessary if not distracting. I didn’t have the same problem with the paragraph on green, however. While I see the point that too much emphasis is placed on the color, Ellison did put it there and it does connect to the earlier reference. I would recommend the author consider how he might rewrite that paragraph imagining how she might win over a resisting reader. Strengthen the argument for green as a symbol by insisting it’s not there by accident. A strong essay.

Time for a little revision. And a little (or a lot) more waiting. Being published in an academic, peer-reviewed journal would be a nice touch to my last semester.

 

January 11, 2012

Because I Am Now Engaged, The Only Thing That Matters in This World Is Me

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I look at my ring all the time.

In French classes, which I have on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, je me demande why my ring sparkles while professors go on about composition, Louis XIV, and the upcoming election in France. We get together in groups and talk about elements of text or absolute monarchy or current events, and none of things are as important as my ring.

In my Tuesday/Thursday English classes, I imagine the most Postmodern thing I can do is look at my ring. In my Postmodern lit class, we’re learning to expanding and enrich our reading experience, but looking at my ring transcends me to another level of consciousness. In my senior project class, we’re learning about models of looking at the city in literature. The professor drew three concentric circles on the board to stand for the history of the city, the time and space needed to realize the city, and the city itself. But in those three circles, all I could see was my ring, morphed into white gold that insets a very sparkly diamond with four tiny sparkly diamonds around it.

That ring would have sparkled in 17th-Century France much more brightly than any of the kings, as well as in New York City. It would sparkle in third-world countries, especially the country where the diamond may have come from, which may or may have not been illegally obtained, which people may have died in the process of getting it to a Salt Lake City diamond dealer then to my jeweler.

But who cares about all that? Who cares about poverty and misogyny and human rights? Who cares about child abuse and inadequate health care? Let’s just say before I go to sleep at night, I close my eyes and say a little prayer to my ring, and when I wake up, I thank the ring for my many blessings. Sometimes when Reilly turns my hand to look at the ring, I accuse him of trying to steal it, but then we close our eyes and say a little prayer to it before meals.

It sparkles on my finger now. It winks approval at me.

We look at each other all the time.

 

December 5, 2011

Dear Blog

Posted by mayiwrite under advice, friends, my life, observations, relationships | Tags: , , , , , , |
[16] Comments 

It’s not you, it’s me.

I’m doing a lot of things I didn’t think I’d do. That first line, for instance. Why do people say that? But I’m not breaking up with you, blog, though I don’t know if an explanation for my neglect is what you’re looking for. It’s been an interesting semester, and I wonder if I had the same discipline in years past maintaining this blog during this semester, . . .  I don’t know. Something had to give. A lot of things did.

Other people have come into my life, blog. When I make friends, that doesn’t seem to distract me from blogging, but this instance — this individual –  seems to be an exception. And that’s because I spend a lot of time with this person, time I could have been spending on blogging.

Don’t get me wrong: I still love to blog, blog. But there’s more out in the world to love. But you probably mean that I can always blog about the things I love, and I can understand your point.

Consider what I’ve blogged about: Everyday, mundane, natural. My complaints, depression; idiot boys, crazy and wonderful friends and school things.

I’m beginning to understand, blog.

I should be keeping better track of this time of my life.

One semester left, and it’s going to be crazy.

I took the GRE on November 22, and my math and verbal raw scores were very close. Either I’m equally deficient or equally genius in those categories.

About 20 pages of stuff are due this week. I don’t really feel like writing for any of my classes.  It is the last week of class, and as I type this, I’m finally feeling some anxiety about finishing the semester well. Strongly. Without failing.

Classes this semester were terrific and fun. I learned so much, and I wish I cared enough about grades to let the work reflect just how much I enjoyed classes. When I went. Which was most of the time. I’d rather just sit and absorb, but for some reason someone decided that writing papers as an English major would be a good evaluation of academic progress. Which: fine.

I could continue writing about my classes and friends, or I could try being one of those annoying blogs that goes on and on about a boyfriend. What a great guy he is. I could document about all the PDA we avoid, except when he walks me to my door at night, and then it’s really short, accompanied by a whispered but confident expression of deep and mutual emotion.

If I kept it up the whole semester, it would have started out as a weekly report of weekly incidents, but then it would have progressed to a weekly or daily recounting of daily events. Hours spent together, every. Single. Day. Conversation about family and books and movies and music. And life. Initial nervousness turning into pure comfortability leading to talks about a future together and togethering together.

It’s really none of the world’s business, this guy. All the world needs to know is that he’s incredible and caring and thoughtful, and he lets me be goofy, and I let him make me happy. But that’s obvious even outside of the context of our dating. It’s not like I need a rooftop tour to shout about it or announce that he’s coming to Florida to meet my family at Christmastime.

It’s serious, blog. You deserved to know.

And I am trying to tell you.

 

October 23, 2011

A Little out of Focus

Posted by mayiwrite under friends, lists, miscellany, my life, relationships, weekend | Tags: , , , , |
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Well, it seems I’m a bit distracted.

It’s crazy how quickly time passes.

So much is happening. So much to write about.

So much not to write about. I mean it.

Maybe I’ll write a poem. I should write a poem.

So, there’s that. Poem ideas crash into my head all the time. I would much rather be working on poetry than my other schoolwork. I wish it was all I had to do.

Toward the beginning of the semester it was easier. But now, I’m starting to flounder.

Oh, I met and spoke with Pulitzer-Prize winner, Marilynne Robinson. That was ultra cool.

Let’s look at this week’s schedule.

Monday: Midterm; homework
Tuesday: Poems, My Fair Lady; homework
Wednesday: French Party; homework
Thursday: Meeting at the library; homework
Friday: There’d better be nothing, except homework
Saturday: Concert; homework

Also, 20 hours of work, 14 hours of class.

Also, I had a damn good weekend. It was fun.

But, I won’t blog about it.

This is the worst blog post ever.

 

October 1, 2011

It’s General Conference Weekend, and This Doesn’t “Feel” Contrary …

Posted by mayiwrite under advice, church, friends, lists, mormonism, my life, observations, relationships, single life, therapy, writing | Tags: , , , , |
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Life coasts along, life dazzles, life punches squarely in the stomach. What else should we really expect?

I know I keep saying I’ll post actual updates.

A lot is going on,

and I’ve found time to blog about it before, but

Yeah. No legitimate excuse.

—

Classes, really quick:

My religion class and I sometimes butt heads. But it’s been good for me.

History and Criticism of Rhetoric is fun. We’ve talked about Legally Blonde and My Cousin Vinny, and we’ve done homework based on Sunset Blvd and Law & Order. And this weekend we’re analyzing oratory style of any talk at General Conference, according to Saint Augustine.

Introduction to French Literary Analysis is a lot of fun. I may have to dedicate a post just to how much I love French poetry. Because, SERIOUSLY.

Early American Auto/Biography blows me away. I’m reading excellent things by fascinating people, and I wish we could read more women. But if it’s any consolation to myself, reading what I have so far — Benjamin Franklin, PT Barnum, Ralph Waldo Emerson — makes me feel pretty outstanding. I have stories about this class, too.

My poetry writing class. Oh, my heart. I’m cultivating this profound appreciation and there’s only 11 students in the class, and the instructor is adorable and instructive and encouraging. She stood briefly on a soapbox the other day about how a lot of television these days is produced at a 5th-grade level and that Americans don’t know how to think anymore. I felt so much pride then. And, then it’s crazy how we workshop each other’s poems and how I’ve just had to simply get over or ignore being scared of sharing what I know to be mostly subpar poetry with my genius classmates. I wish you could read my classmates’ poems, because WOW.

Aside from classes, there’s church and dating and work. Visiting friends and maintaining friendships because I love my friends so very much.

OH and applying to grad schools and talking to professors about all my options after graduation.

Which will be in April.

Holy crap.

But my original reason for posting right now is that I want to reblog some useful things I came across this past week. Just two things, one each from a Utah couple I’ve been following for the past five years. I’ve mentioned them before. Winter’s on its way. People get sad in conjunction with or separately from the approaching and increasing darkness. Also, although I’m decently insulated in Provo, I try to remain aware of what’s happening around me. Bad things happen all the time, regardless, and we have to deal.  While we’ll be receiving counsel and encouragement from Church leaders this weekend, I think a few other resources are okay, especially for those square punches in the stomach. Please reblog if you feel the need.

From Jon Armstrong:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

And, Heather Armstrong (click the quote for the entire post):

What is worse? Being sad because something tragic has happened, or being sad because that is all your brain knows how to do?

Enjoy Conference, y’all.

 

September 19, 2011

Because I Can’t Get Enough Right Now

Posted by mayiwrite under friends, links, nature, nostalgia, observations | Tags: , , , , , |
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Patience

Patience is
wider than one
once envisioned,
with ribbons
of rivers
and distant
ranges and
tasks undertaken
and finished
with modest
relish by
natives in their
native dress.
Who would
have guessed
it possible
that waiting
is sustainable—
a place with
its own harvests.
Or that in
time’s fullness
the diamonds
of patience
couldn’t be
distinguished
from the genuine
in brilliance
or hardness.

– Kay Ryan

*****

One of these days I will again post my own thoughts, but Ms. Ryan says lots of great things.

If my mind is space, and time is time, the exact location of my mind cannot be determined at any point in time, not without that location occurring in the past. When I want desperately to be in the now.

This is my uncertainty principle. That’s what I’m feeling.

Rest assured, there’s lots to be said about school (SO. MUCH. SCHOOL) and boys and friends I don’t see nearly enough of. And meeting poets. And autographs. And food. And boys and church. And some boys that aren’t smart. And new friends. And the cooling weather. And swearing at school, though not by me. And running into former seminary students who are so very tall. And staying up until 4am or waking up at 3am and either way letting the silence soothe me. And seeing those people in my life that make me feel like all is right with the world.

Eventually, the past will catch up to now.

Thanks for your patience.

 

August 30, 2011

How to Have a Successful First Day of Class

Posted by mayiwrite under advice, lists, mormonism, observations, relationships | Tags: , , |
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You should. Have seen. The clouds. This morning. You guys. I wish you were sitting at the bus stop with me wondering at the underglow, trying to figure out if it’s really underglow if you’re looking at the clouds from beneath.

My first day of school was great. Here’s what I did, and maybe you can think about doing some of these things for your future first days of class.

1. Wake up SO VERY EXCITED. I’m surprised I got to sleep the night before.

2. Have people you know in your classes. Laugh a lot with them.

3. Roll your eyes at all the stupid. Dating. Jokes. Rolling your eyes takes the place of drinking games, which would very quickly transform our stone-cold sober school into a silly, drunken, orgified mess. I mean, really. People tell a lot of dating jokes around here. Professors especially think they’re funny.

4. Be surprisingly and extremely relieved you’re speaking French again.

5. Read Aristotle.

6. Sit outside while reading for class and munch on a sandwich.

7. Run into a former seminary student who assures you she’ll probably see you again at a concert.

8. Laugh a lot. Some more. Like, obscenely.

9. Watch this video and discuss happiness.

-

10. Understand what it means when you let yourself watch only 18 minutes of an episode of Veronica Mars when you get home.

11. Realize you haven’t cried or worried about personal matters and be surprised at not feeling guilty about it.

12. Take a shower and chuckle at how greasy your hair has gotten during the day.

13. Fall asleep doing homework.

14. Be so very excited to wake up again.

And now, there’s today.

 

August 29, 2011

Happy First Day of Class, Dorks!

Posted by mayiwrite under friends, miscellany, my life | Tags: , , , |
1 Comment 

So maybe I’m on campus two hours early. And I had planned to buy books, because my order from Amazon is taking years. I was going to buy them then return them when the shipment arrived. I have a feeling this is a very common problem with Amazon. They might be getting angry letters from college students all over the universe.

As if college students know how to write letters.

Oh, but they do.

Just ask some of them.

Do it.

DO IT!!!

I’M SO DANG EXCITED ABOUT TODAY AND I HAVE STUPID CRUSHES ON BOYS WHICH IS TOTALLY RIDICULOUS WHICH IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU’LL HAVE TO ASK ME IN PERSON OR IF YOU LIVE FAR AWAY OR EVEN IF YOU’RE CLOSE BY YOU CAN CHAT ME OR CALL AND I’M LOOKING AT CLASS SYLLABUSESESESES AND ALL THE LEARNING AND IT ALL LOOKS REALLY COOL AND I CHECKED MY BLOG SPAM TODAY AND WAS COMPLETELY AMUSED AT ONE OF THE MESSAGES AND  HERE IT IS SO THAT IS ALL AND EVERYONE HAVE A LOVELY AND WONDERFUL DAY AND I LOVE YOU AND I JUST LOVE YOU.

 

August 28, 2011

Intro at a New Ward

Posted by mayiwrite under advice, church, mormonism, relationships | Tags: , , , , , |
1 Comment 

Hi.

My name is May Anderton.

I am four feet, ten inches tall.

I’m from Jacksonville, Florida.

I am a senior at BYU studying English.

And I also work part time at [where I work].

I love nature.

I love good music.

And I love to laugh.

At people.

–

I was already disgusted at the idea of having to introduce myself to a chapel full of strangers. But that’s what I said at the pulpit. And my roommate, who spoke after me, told everyone that she now knows more about me after my introduction than from the past month of living with me.

That’s because I’m so extroverted. And bubbly.

But, a cute blond did chat me up after church, and those 20 minutes made up for the previous three hours.

Which is not why I went to church.

But it’s great meeting nice people.

This bunch of folks seem a lot more laid back than the last ward. I’m pretty sure it’s not my attitude that’s changed. BELIEVE ME. This group might end up being really good for me. Plus, it’s my last year here, and maybe I’m finally learning to relax.

Then again, this was only my first Sunday at the new ward.

Yet . . . I don’t know.

We’ll see, I guess.

CLASS STARTS TOMORROW AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO AND I DON’T KNOW IF I WILL EVER FALL ASLEEP BUT I GUESS THAT’S PAR FOR THE COURSE. WEEEEEEEEE!

 

August 26, 2011

A Letter to Freshman May

Posted by mayiwrite under miscellany, my life, nostalgia | Tags: , , , , |
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Dear Freshman May,

It’s been a long time. I’ve been walking the BYU campus this past week, shopping for books, wandering the library, going to work. You’ve crossed my mind a lot.

It’s freshmen orientation time right now, and it has taken so much mental and physical effort not to burst into laughter every time I pass a group of wide-eyed 18-year-olds. Instead I suppress a mocking smile, and so I traverse campus looking smug. All those beautiful and nauseatingly eager freshmen, if they’re aware enough to notice me, might wonder who the short girl is with a seemingly permanent smirk on her face. That would be me.

What was it like, Freshman May? Did you ever act the way some of these kids do? Did you ask the same questions, play the same pranks, have the same goals?

You were smart enough to be admitted all those years ago. You should be proud of yourself.

You lived in Deseret Towers, U-Hall. Officially, Ballard Hall. Have you heard what they did to Deseret Towers? They demolished them a few years back and they’ve rebuilt – they’re rebuilding – them, except they’re not going to call them Deseret Towers. I wish I could tell you how and why I know that, but I can’t. But that’s the news.

You’re facebook friends with a lot of your freshmen friends, Freshman May. It’s so great that all of you are able to keep in touch.

I missed the freshmen deluge last year. I officially stepped onto the campus proper on the first day of class, and all the students milling around seemed perfectly normal.

Within the first few weeks of being Freshman May, you wrote an email to your high school friends. Remember Cougarnet, Freshman May? You told them that you had gotten engaged to a young man named Jordan Rivers. You said that you had made eye contact with him across the Marriott Center.

You never went ice blocking.

You hiked the Y at midnight. One time.

You took calculus in the Jesse Knight Humanities Building; you went to church in the law building. The planetarium section of the Eyring Science Center was under construction but you sneaked up there anyway with some new friends, and it was cool.

You passed the Smith Family Living Center all the time. You might not have been Freshman May when they began calling that building the SFLC, or “syphilis.”

The JKHB is now the JKB, and campus has a fancy, new humanities building, which I love and where I have most of my classes.

The ESC is also very sturdy and feels new, and it hardly resembles the place where you spent hours working on physics labs. Your FRESHMAN year. Physics 121 and 122, really? Freshman May, how did you even do that? What kind of energetic ridiculous idealist were you?

The SFLC. Does. Not. Exist. It’s as if whatever parts of your life that had anything to do with that building never happened.

So many more changes in curricula and technology and everything else, it seems.

Freshmen swarm this campus right now. Like some cheery scourge. They flood my computer labs and wander into alcoves I’d claimed for myself.

I’m excited for them though, just like I was excited for you. You had your whole life to figure out. You met people who’d be your friends for the rest of your life. You were righteous and eager, but you were also SO SO SO YOUNG, and you thought you knew everything, and I know you have stories about being taken down a few notches which is so important to growing up.

You’ve had quite the journey, Freshman May. I have nearly doubled your life, which seems so hard to believe. You’re there, I’m here. Can’t you feel the distance getting close?

Watching this year’s freshmen herds, moving about like worker ants, carrying books that seem to be twice their weight, getting lost and in my way and too scared to ask questions or too intent on their focused wandering, I’m just grateful you were a freshman only once.

That’s all anyone needs.

Class starts on Monday.

Thanks for … everything.

May

 

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