It’s not you, it’s me.

I’m doing a lot of things I didn’t think I’d do. That first line, for instance. Why do people say that? But I’m not breaking up with you, blog, though I don’t know if an explanation for my neglect is what you’re looking for. It’s been an interesting semester, and I wonder if I had the same discipline in years past maintaining this blog during this semester, . . .  I don’t know. Something had to give. A lot of things did.

Other people have come into my life, blog. When I make friends, that doesn’t seem to distract me from blogging, but this instance — this individual –  seems to be an exception. And that’s because I spend a lot of time with this person, time I could have been spending on blogging.

Don’t get me wrong: I still love to blog, blog. But there’s more out in the world to love. But you probably mean that I can always blog about the things I love, and I can understand your point.

Consider what I’ve blogged about: Everyday, mundane, natural. My complaints, depression; idiot boys, crazy and wonderful friends and school things.

I’m beginning to understand, blog.

I should be keeping better track of this time of my life.

One semester left, and it’s going to be crazy.

I took the GRE on November 22, and my math and verbal raw scores were very close. Either I’m equally deficient or equally genius in those categories.

About 20 pages of stuff are due this week. I don’t really feel like writing for any of my classes.  It is the last week of class, and as I type this, I’m finally feeling some anxiety about finishing the semester well. Strongly. Without failing.

Classes this semester were terrific and fun. I learned so much, and I wish I cared enough about grades to let the work reflect just how much I enjoyed classes. When I went. Which was most of the time. I’d rather just sit and absorb, but for some reason someone decided that writing papers as an English major would be a good evaluation of academic progress. Which: fine.

I could continue writing about my classes and friends, or I could try being one of those annoying blogs that goes on and on about a boyfriend. What a great guy he is. I could document about all the PDA we avoid, except when he walks me to my door at night, and then it’s really short, accompanied by a whispered but confident expression of deep and mutual emotion.

If I kept it up the whole semester, it would have started out as a weekly report of weekly incidents, but then it would have progressed to a weekly or daily recounting of daily events. Hours spent together, every. Single. Day. Conversation about family and books and movies and music. And life. Initial nervousness turning into pure comfortability leading to talks about a future together and togethering together.

It’s really none of the world’s business, this guy. All the world needs to know is that he’s incredible and caring and thoughtful, and he lets me be goofy, and I let him make me happy. But that’s obvious even outside of the context of our dating. It’s not like I need a rooftop tour to shout about it or announce that he’s coming to Florida to meet my family at Christmastime.

It’s serious, blog. You deserved to know.

And I am trying to tell you.

Look, blog post! Please forgive.

More than two months ago — it was the end of August — I was walking home from Sunday dinner at a friend’s, and my ward prayer was happening outside. I had just moved in to a new ward and was starting to get to  know people. I turned down a potluck invitation from a new friend because I already told the other friend I’d come to dinner. And as I approached this ward prayer crowd, I wondered if I would see this new friend and ask him about leftovers. I saw a girl I met earlier that day, and we decided together to try to meet new people. I asked if anyone else knew about the potluck, and somebody — I don’t remember who — told me to ask some name I don’t remember, that he was a bald guy standing with another cluster of talking people.

So, I moseyed over to the neighboring circle of strangers and asked the bald guy if he knew about the potluck. He didn’t. But while I was talking to him, I decided to get to know him.

He told me his name is Reilly. We ended up having a decent conversation about books and movies and music. We talked about the Borders going-out-of-business sale, and he told me about the biannual Salt Lake City Public Library sale, where paperbacks are fifty cents and hardcovers are a dollar. And that usually happens in October. He said he’d amassed quite a few books in the past few months, and I told him I’d like to see his book collection sometime. He seemed a little hesitant at the idea.

Recently he told me that he thought I was 20 when we first met.

We went to the Real Salt Lake City soccer game that following Saturday.

And I did go over to look at this books. And the songs on his iTunes.

Over the weeks, I’ve made hints about my age to him, because that’s what I do:

-living more than 6.5 years in New York City after some time at BYU in 2002
-being about 6 years older than my brother
-seeing certain movies in the theater, like Back to the Future and A League of Their Own
-saying that I was in 7th grade when Ted Bundy was executed, at the state prison, about an hour away from where I lived
-etc.

Then a couple weeks ago, we were on our way to stand in line at the Velour for a concert. We ran into some classmates that I know from Senegal, and they were nice enough to let us cut in front of them in line. These classmates are now officially a couple, after quasi-sneaking their way around dating during the last couple of weeks of the trip. The girl was my roommate, and I told Reilly that they happened to put the Floridians in the same room, who also happened to be the oldest and youngest students. Then I remarked that three birthdays of people on the trip were in the month of May and there was a party, and I observed that I was closer in age to the professor whose birthday was also that month than most of the other students.

Except for the Skabelunds. They’re old. ;)

He says our ages don’t matter.

I’m glad for this.

Sometimes I forget that not everyone knows what I’m talking about on this blog. Sometimes I’m so much inside of my own head and use this blog to express ideas and feelings without providing any background. One of the best parts about the trip was the group we traveled with. Everyone got along, and there was no drama. Not really. The guys added balance and amusement and a sense of safety. Surely it would help you to know the guys from our trip better if pictures accompanied their descriptions. Plus, you’ll get to see boubous! If you took the quiz from Tuesday, see how well you scored. Unlike some exams over the five-week study abroad, this little quiz should have taken no more than five minutes.

1. Andrew

c. LOVES SWIMMING; married but not obnoxious about it; enjoys giving boys backrubs; barfed for 5 hours starting at 2:30 one morning. He and his wife shared the sweet story about how they met and courted and got married. This guy is learning Arabic to add to his lingual repertoire of English and French. Very funny and mild-mannered, but will walk out of a class if it gets ridiculously long and pointless. This did happen, and I’m grateful to him for it.

 

 

2. Brayden

e. Enjoys putting frogs in girls’ hotel rooms; also totally French kissed a dead fish; beat my boyfriend at arm wrestling. The first time Brayden really talked to me he was sitting next to me at the gate at JFK while we waited to board the plane to Dakar. He was observing a young man flirt with a young woman and said that she was way too pretty for him. He reminds me of my brother in all of the good ways.

 

 

3. Daryl

a. Is the best male tribal dancer in the village (out of the Toubabs); tells GREAT stories; some people (one girl named Kylie) think he looks like Voldemort. He was sick the day the group photo above was taken. Also, I’ll let you imagine the resemblance to Voldemort. That seems more fun. Very soft-spoken, incredibly intelligent man. He loves puns. He presided over our church meetings and brought the spirit in a class on our last day together. I do have video footage of him dancing. I might post that one of these days.

4. Henry

b. Watched an IV spurting blood FROM HIS OWN ARM; acted as chaperone for the professors; hates papaya; read lots of books in English on the trip. Son of Daryl. If there’s a man-woman professor team on the study abroad, it’s policy for a spouse to come along. Neither spouse of M. Lee nor Mme Thompson could come, so Henry came instead. He’s 17. He got to miss his last month of his junior year. And probably one of the most upstanding youths I have ever met. He got to experience first-hand the Senegal hospital system. He won’t ever forget it.

 

 

5. James

h. Is a snazzy dresser with skinny jeans and a fanny pack; quite the Canasta player; known by some as “Ginger Balls”.  Just so you know, that is not my name for him. I call him “Scandalous James” because he started dating a girl on the trip when one of the explicit rules is “no dating.” The official status didn’t emerge until the last week of the trip, but everyone watched it develop. James is smart and insightful and notices little things. He’s righteous and ever-helpful and likes to have fun.

 

 

6. Miles

d. LOVES AMERICA SO MUCH AND LETS EVERYONE KNOW; shaved his beard but left his mustache and sexy throat scruff one day. Miles has an opinion about everything, and I think that’s great. He loves Coke. He’s good company; he loves to talk and the way he associates things in his brain is fascinating. He’s a very patient and enduring man. I often wondered what Miles was thinking about lectures or meals or the plans of the day. He wanted to stage a friendly coup against staying at our interesting hotel in Saint-Louis our first morning there.

 

 

7. Ryan

f. Dazzles women with his purple boubou; gave the beggar boys a lesson on the worth of work by hiring them to clean up Saint-Louis. Ryan is sort of a conundrum. Somewhat quiet, has an interesting sense of humor and a distinct laugh. He’s an athletic guy, and he doesn’t flaunt his intelligence. His wheels turn, and I’ve often wanted to get him to open up. But part of the conundrum was that his attractiveness intimidated me, and I didn’t talk to him as much as I wanted. Silly, I know.

 


8. Spencer

g. Is a very reliable tenor; also asks questions to perpetuate an already 3-hour-long lecture because he’s sometimes too smart for his own good. Very persistent in several ways, one of which I definitely won’t mention here. Has a very spongy brain. Spencer is very easy to talk to and he talks to people easily. He made friends with a guy whom I considered his Senegalese twin. Skinny, alert, friendly, full of big ideas and hope for happiness. He was in my 321 class, and I’m glad I got to know him better on this trip.

Do you think all my posts about Senegal will be long-winded and spiritual in nature? What do you take me for?

The guys were all fun. And cute. And very protective. And they were all SO DIFFERENT. And totally awesome. I love and admire them all.

Instructions: Match the the boys from Senegal Study Abroad 2011 to their traits/behaviors/weirdnesses.

1. Andrew a. Is the best male tribal dancer in the village (out of the Toubabs); tells GREAT stories; some people (one girl named Kylie) think he looks like Voldemort

2. Brayden

b. Watched an IV spurting blood FROM HIS OWN ARM; acted as chaperone for the professors; hates papaya; read lots of books in English on the trip

3. Daryl

c. LOVES SWIMMING; married but not obnoxious about it; enjoys giving boys backrubs; barfed for 5 hours starting at 2:30 one morning

4. Henry

d. LOVES AMERICA SO MUCH AND LETS EVERYONE KNOW; shaved his beard but left his mustache and sexy throat scruff one day

5. James

e. Enjoys putting frogs in girls’ hotel rooms; also totally French kissed a dead fish; beat my boyfriend at arm wrestling

6. Miles

f. Dazzles women with his purple boubou; gave the beggar boys a lesson on the worth of work by hiring them to clean up Saint-Louis

7. Ryan

g. Is a very reliable tenor; also asks questions to perpetuate an already 3-hour-long lecture because he’s sometimes too smart for his own good

8. Spencer

h. Is a snazzy dresser with skinny jeans and a fanny pack; quite the Canasta player; known by some as “Ginger Balls”

It might not mean anything.

But what if it does?

And the possibility makes me far giddier

than not wondering at all.

Sometimes it’s good to feel this way.

Me, to a guy friend:  Would any of your hot [distinguishing quality] friends be interested in going out?

Guy friend: They will have to ask their wives or [girlfriends]? There might be one though. Why who is asking?

Me: Just me. I haven’t been on a date in a while. :)

Guy friend: Well, we can fix that in a few weeks. This [sic] next two weeks are pretty intense.

Me: You’re a stud. Good luck with everything the next couple of weeks.

Now all I need to do is find someone to go out with in the meantime.

Now that the proper week is over, I can officially report on its awesomeness.

International night last night. Some friends picked me up and we went to an Indian restaurant on Center Street in Provo. We all ordered differently prepared chicken dishes. It was pretty good, and the conversation was fun. We talked about school and work and food. I got to tell a little bit of the story of living and working in New York. It was a story I told all the time while there, but it doesn’t come up often here. Plus, I really like these friends and felt I could open up to them a bit.

Then we went to the International Cinema on campus. I like the IC. It’s the “longest running program of its kind in the world!” Free, foreign movies. And of course, all the ones I’ve seen are amazing. We saw the Iranian movie,  Color of Paradise. Don’t tell, but I’d seen it before, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t excited to see it again. I’m the kind of person who can reread books and rewatch movies; there’s always more stuff to see and talk about.

Not long after my friends dropped me off, I’d begun working on some homework when a friend from Eastern European descent called. He was in the area about to get something to eat and wanted to know if I wanted to catch a movie. However, the one he wanted to see at the theater was about to start and he didn’t think he’d be able to make it. So I invited him over.

Blankets, check.
Smell nice, check.
Brush teeth again, check.

So he came over with his Mexican food, and we caught up a little bit at the dinner table. Then he sat in the middle of the couch, which is a hint for me to sit next to him, right? We went through my incredible, but small, collection of DVDs and decided on Wit. Not an international movie, but also not Hollywood-mainstream, and yet I did loan him Children of Heaven, from the same director as Color of Paradise.

Oh, gosh, you’re probably wondering. So we were sitting next to each other and the movie’s playing and we were both commenting on the movie, since we’ve seen it before. I turned out the living room light. I offered him a blanket, because I’d taken one for myself, and he accepted, but we ended up sharing both of them. We’re already sort of leaning on each other, arms touching, yada yada. A few minutes into the movie he announced he was taking off his shoes then after removing his them, he lay across the couch and rested his head on my ample bosom (those of you who know me realize this is a big joke and now it’s not funny because I had to say it’s a big joke). And, everybody knows that it is a truth universally acknowledged that I can’t have somebody’s head so close to me and not play with his hair. So that’s what I did.

We didn’t get to finish the movie. Midnight, curfews, etc. He had to go home.

Stop it with the booing. Like I was going to try to kiss him. Please.

But I didn’t. And that was sort of foreign.

I have deleted the texts.

I have deleted the number.

I will forget its name.

I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS I HATE GUYS !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

ETA: It is morning now, and I have a clearer head. I don’t hate all guys, just most. To those  I don’t hate, I apologize.

Il est mignon et je suis mignonne. Mais ce n’est pas important.

Il y a deux soirs, nous sommes déshabillés.

Nous déscendions le jacuzzi. L’eau était plutôt chaude, mais l’air était très froid. Il m’avait invité et j’ai dit, “oui”.

Nous n’étions pas nus, bien sûr. Vous êtes fous.

Nous aimons passer de temps ensemble. Personne n’était dans le jacuzzi – seulement lui et moi. Il me posait beaucoup de questions, mais quand je le posait des questions, il a brièvement répondu et puis il m’a fait encore parler. J’étais étonnée. Je pensais qu’il parlât plus, mais au lieu, il voulait savoir de ma famille, où j’habitais  et où je travaillais. Donc, j’ai parlé de Floride et New York; j’ai parlé de mon père de naissance. Je ne pouvais pas arrêter de parler.

Ensuite, un autre couple venait au jacuzzi. Ils gâchaient l’ambiance.

Pourtant, nous avons échangé des massages. Mais ce n’est pas important.

Après une heure et quart passaient, nous sommes partis. Nous avons marché à sa voiture, et il a mis sa bra autour de moi. Hee. Quand nous sommes arrivés à sa voiture, il m’a étreint et m’a soulevé. J’ai un peu ri.

Bien sûr, nous ne nous sommes pas embrassés. Non.

Mais ce n’est pas important.

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