Discipline
I lie in bed at 3am
trying to write a poem.
My light is on
and I try not to disturb the crickets.
Their hearts have reached a resting state
and they are saving their songs for tomorrow.
They have discipline.
The loudest thing this morning
is my pen
The most impetuous thing this morning
is my mind
conspiring against the pen
haphazard on the page
scrawling into illegibility
which isn’t like me.
September 13, 2011
If You Want to Read This, You Know What to Do.
Posted by mayiwrite under writing | Tags: anxiety, class, headache, morning, poem, scroll over this post |[5] Comments
January 13, 2011
Out of 20
Posted by mayiwrite under miscellany, photo | Tags: anxiety, awesomeness, big speeches, byu, class, french, inspirations, photo |Leave a Comment
So. French 321. The first quiz. We’ll see if we can keep this up. What I described as happening is actually what happened: 2 half-points off, but I got the bonus correct. J’ai fait des fautes bêtes.
Did I mention I’m in this class with returned missionaries and other people who speak fluently? I hope the osmosis is extra effective, because I sound like an idiot when I speak. We’re supposed to be beyond the sentence level and working up to the paragraph level, moving smoothly between imparfait and passé compose, using the present tense only intermittently. Anyway, if I listen enough and practice enough, … I don’t know. Being a wiz on paper is great, but I need to improve communication in other ways, be in touch with the real world.
***
In other news, the forum this morning with Condoleezza Rice was incredible. I hope to come across a copy of the transcript. What an admirable, inspiring woman. She was a captivating, charming, lively speaker. She made us laugh, and we applauded every time she said something amazing, like it was the State of the Union address, but this was much, much better.
I’m still processing a lot of what’s been going on the past couple of weeks, and right now I feel I can’t do any of it justice. I don’t know if I’ll be able to catch any sort of a break. I would love just to sit back and talk or hang out sometime.
September 8, 2008
Rise and Shine!
Posted by mayiwrite under church, my life | Tags: anxiety, nerves, seminary |Leave a Comment
Last night I got to sleep sometime after 12:30. I set the alarm for 4:30 this morning. What time did I wake up? 4:27. That’s just not cool. So I lay there until the alarm actually went off. Then I stayed lying down until the snooze alarm went off once, then I got up.
I have an outline for class today. I have handouts. I’ve been trying to visualize how I’d set up the classroom and how I’d greet the class. These are a new bunch of kids to me. I’ve gotten off to a rather rocky start, but I want today to go smoothly.
Wish me luck.
July 9, 2008
Good Morning, People!
Posted by mayiwrite under friends, health, miscellany, my life, new york city | Tags: anxiety, cringe, drool, mouth owwies, sores |1 Comment
Tonight, I’ll be attending Cringe. I’m not sure what time I’ll be getting home tonight, and I don’t think I’m coming home after work because I’d like to get a little more work done and the singer-songwriter series is over at Bryant Park and I hear the Cringe venue fills up quickly so I thought I’d get there early and keep ordering rounds and rounds of refreshing ginger ale (or Coke or Sprite or juice) until my friends get there. SO, I figured I’d post a little something this morning.
Maybe I have some new manifestations of anxiety going on in my life. I’m pretty sure I grind my teeth in my sleep. Lots of people do that. How about chewing on their lips, or even their tongues? The whole bottom front section of my mouth is sore. I try relaxing my tongue, but it keeps pressing up against the back of my teeth, and my bottom eye teeth keep rubbing against the sores in my bottom lip, making them worse and it just feels like fire and I apply that numbing lip stuff and that lasts only for so long, plus it’s hard to eat when my masticating mechanism is numb. And, the pain is causing me to salivate constantly. People, beware of drooling. I’d say maybe I have rabies, but I’m not acting erratically – just a smidge anxiously - and my throat isn’t swollen to a hydrophobic degree. Poor Ol’ Yeller. It’s just my bottom lip and the tip of my tongue. My mouf is on fire. The kind wif white flames. Owwie.
What could I be anxious about, you ask? I’m anxious about when the pain in my mouth will go away. That’s probably a vicious cycle. What else? Well, I’m about to meet a famous person; that’s probably part of it. I have two church classes to plan for and another class I’m taking and wanting an A so bad in. (I WANT AN A! GIVE ME AN A!) I’m preparing to be a naturalized citizen of the United States of America. I’m trying to crank out a few hundred words or so of something original and/or somewhat interesting every day because I want to be a writer when I finally grow up. Oh yeah, then there’s the business of planning Austin. What makes it worse is that it’s the possibility of Austin. And then there’s this timeline which finds me clenching my jaw that happens to apply major pressure to my tongue and bottom lip when I sleep. And I wonder why I’m waking up tired. And owwie.
Also? This seems to accompany the three weeks I’m not on my period. It’s happened that way for the past couple of months now. Oh, well. I’ll go have some breakfast, then I’ll numb my mouth and sling my drool at people.





